30 things you never knew that you never knew about me... because I am 30 now.

1. I am a homebody.... because I don't like people... or pets. Espescially pets.
2. I have a phobia of head lice. I won't put my head near anything. Every once in awhile my head itches more than once a day, and my mind runs amok. Then my head itches more and I have to shampoo it with lice shampoo.
3. If my kids scratch their heads more than once a day, I check their head repeatedly for a week, since they are too young for regular washes.
4. I am embarrassed to buy lice shampoo. I never go to the same store twice for it, and I buy it covertly mixed in with whatever I threw over the box to hide it.
5. My daughter tells me about ghosts. and that sometimes they talk to her. Usually when she is going potty. I believe her. And I used to talk about seeing them when I was little.
6. I always wanted a girl.
7. I never wanted a boy. I have a boy. Light of my life... but I am scared to death I won't raise him to be a good man.
8. I can't do math. Seriously.
9. I am going back to school in January for my certificate to be a prison guard.
10. I love LOVE love the history channel.
11. I wear a size 9 heel. I am only 5"4.
12. I have manly hands. I hate my hands. Hands are one of the first things I look at on a man. I had kids with a man that had pretty hands so that my kids would have a 50/50 chance. It worked.
13. Teeth and shoes are the other things I look at on a man.
14. I have hazel eyes. They also turn yellow like a cat. People ask me if they are real all the time.
15. I never listen to vm's. i just look to see who called and call you back. My real friends know this and just hang up. Everyone else says did you get my message? I have been this way for YEARS.
16. People think I am stuck up... for the most part, I am.
17. I used to have a nice bubble butt. It went flat with both pregnanacies. It still hasn't returned.
18. I had TERRIBLE post partum depression after my last child. That is some shit that no one will ever understand unless they go through it.
19. I love terrible tv. If it is tacky, bad acting.. or bad reality I am all over it.
20. Sons of Anarchy is the exception. That show rocks. you can't talk to me when I watch it. and I am extremely attracted to one person on there... who is the FURTHEST you could get from my type.
21.I have country feet.
22. I make a mean sweet potato pie.
23. I don't eat seafood. None. Never tasted it.
24. I am a meat and potatoes girl. Throw in salad and bread and I am in love. Good Brisket may get you laid.
25.I can't eat the thanksgiving turkey if I have to wash and prep it. Something about the raw poultry smell makes me unable to eat it, even after its fried. This happens with chicken sometimes too.
26. I washed my head with lice shampoo tonight... thats what got me thinking about my quirks.
27. I don't like jewelry on a man. Nothing but a good watch... and a wedding band if you are married, but if you are, I'm not messing with you anyway so you can wear what you want.
28. I sleep on the couch a lot. It's closer to the kids room. I am scared that if the house caught on fire I couldn't get to them. I am also scared of driving over bridges because I think someone may crash into me, push my car over and I wouldn't be able to save them both.
29. I always drive in the middle lane on the bridge and I have smoke/carbon monoxide detectors all over.
30. Dell Minis are too damn small for my man hands to type on

All that... and you would think someone would have married me by now.

Let's get it started... I NEED to wish my girlie happy birthday and I WANT her to know she rocks socks and city blocks.

There needs to be some funny in here... but for now let me tell a pirate her worth.

Elle-

First and most importantly- HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BITCH!

I read you for a long time. I always laughed. Even the ones that were sad, mad, or grumpy had a twist that would make giggle and think "this broad is just like me". It took FOREVER for me to comment. Years for me to email. I'm not shy or anything, I'm just not a weirdo. But you were SO fucking much like me. Beautiful bi-racial children, crackies in the family, etc. Even more than we knew. Once we became close friends we discovered random things like babies with the same bday, and the same middle initial. It was instant close friendship for me... and again- I am so not a weirdo....

It was an instant friendship because we fucking rock (Princess too! Holla!).

During this time, you have been there for me more than once whether you knew or not, whether it was something you actively did or just some crazy shit you posted on a day when I needed a laugh to keep me from crying. You loved my babies instantly and suffered through enough photos to make a family album. You sent me pinnochio with a penis for a nose. That is a true friend.

You and Princess showed me some light when I thought my days turned dark- No, seriously- I paid my PG&E bill- that shit right there I will never forget.

You, my friend, are a beautiful soul.

Thank you for being a true bitch- women like you are hard to come by (some folks better keep that in mind when they start being more chicken than bacon).

Thank you for listening to me, laughing with me, loving me.

Thank you for answering my email.

Because I could've been a weirdo...


* I realize that it is only 11pm so I am technically a day ahead but it will be your bday when you see it, so my ass is right on time.

FUCK YOU, T-MOBILE

That is all for now. I am so irked.